Everyone around me is having babies. And I know that will always be true of the world, But when is the right time for me? Will I ever have enough money? Time? Security? Should I try now to have then? Should I wait until…until what? I at least have to graduate school, get a job, get insurance…right?
Will it be the right time where I can succeed at both work, motherhood, marriage, life? Where will I live? Where will I send them to school? How will I afford it? If I am tired now, how will I be awake then??
I am 26. It seems young but the years are coming at me fast. How do I know I’ll be able to have kids? What If I have waited to long? What if/what if/what if?
And then, I put up my wall. Block out the questions with answers unknown, and reassure myself — I will know, when.
You may call it faith. I call it survival.