My last post on hair covering got enormous response. To say the least — I did not expect it. It made me think about everything even more than I had before, and opened up conversation to many others. I didn’t include Torah sources for a reason. This is everyone’s own individual journey.
The post showed me that so many people were struggling with similar issues. It brought us together, we finally gained the support we needed. We shared our experiences.
I looked around and realized more of the beauty that comes with head covering, and the reasonings behind it. I feel it’s so strongly encouraged is that it unifies and uniforms the community, so when you look around you can identify others who cover their hair too. But what if you can’t even tell? Another aspect, is that it’s a reminder to the wearer that you are married and should remember your duties as a Jewish wife and representative of Am Yisroel.
A question that was brought up amongst my peers, is why does it have to be so set in stone: you cover or you don’t? We try not to “pick and choose,” but Judaism is not all or nothing. So why are people labeled– “she covers her hair with a sheitel, that means ____” or …”she doesn’t cover at all, that means she_____”, etc.
Isn’t it a mitvzah when you do, but not an avayra (sin) when you don’t?
I met someone who wore headbands to cover their hair. Not think 4-inch cloth headbands that fall off, but regular head bands. Maybe that is a good compromise. The wearer feels it, the public sees it. Nonetheless, it doesn’t say “I cover” — and it’s definitely not the norm. It still may cause a headache.
The question I have is, what if covering your hair in the manner we are “supposed” to, hurts your self-esteem? What if it hurts your marriage? Your relationship with your husband? Isn’t shalom bayit important? If we are to wear our natural hair for our husbands, isn’t our natural hair supposed to look nice? Why does our own self identity have to suffer? And like so many, what if we are caused pain, irritation and major distraction? Some people shared that they often hid to take off their hair covering for a few moments of comfort. If we are supposed to be modest about our hair, what happens when our hair is ruined along with our self identity beneath the hat or sheitel?
Do men wear their kippas to work? If so — why or why not? Or shaking hands in the workplace with the opposite sex: Do we just ask a Rabbi? Do we do research? Do we make up our minds without any insight? The power of the internet and social media is we get to hear perspectives from all over and perhaps use the internet as a forum to help us shape our attitudes and decisions.
Is there a way to open this conversation to our generation where we can create a community of acceptance and celebration of how each person interprets their love of Torah in their own way?
I am not giving up. We as humans never give up. We are always trying to figure ourselves out.
These are questions that must be discussed.
To question, is to grow.
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